It's official, I'm shallow

Ok. I'm announcing this on my blog in the hope that I'll actually get on and do this. I want to have a healthy BMI. To do that, I need to lose 2 stone and 4 pounds, or 32 pounds.

That's a lot. More...than I thought. You'll probably know I'm vegan, and I'm not exactly adverse to exercise: in fact I'm quite keen on it. However, I also love food and I'm only five foot, which doesn't give me much room for manovre apart from, well, outwards.

My main problem with losing weight is not the dieting, or the exercise. It's the shallowness of it all. There's a voice in my head shouting, "Do you want to be taken seriously? Do you WANT to be like these orange people, obsessed with everything they ever eat? This is vainty!" And for me, vainty feel more sinful than anything I could ever eat. Yes I wear make up. Yes I do care how I look. However, serious weight loss is seriously VAIN in my eyes, which makes it a real battle.

The same voice shouts, "You've always been overweight! It's not going to change! You'll never do it!" Now. I've been heavier than this. I shed quite a few pounds a couple of years ago and at the time I was having a bit of a general change in my outlook on lots of things. I felt really guilty about it too. I'm lucky with Dai because I know he will support me. It feels different this time. I think I've realised that although cardio-vacsularly (is that a word?) speaking, I am probably as fit or fitter than I've ever been, due to the running, I am STILL too heavy. I'm 23. I need to conquer the voice NOW, and then deal with keeping it at bay before I give in and get bigger, or lose my fitness.

I don't even want to be thin. I suspect I will never be thin. But I can be healthy. Being healthy is far from being vain, so my goal is to lower my BMI from nearly 31 to under 25. I'm not asking for 20, or even 22. Under 25 - a healthy weight, will do me fine.

By November I hope to have lost enough to feel happier in a bikini when Dai and I go to CenterParcs - a stone, plus some toning would do it. I have no idea how long it will take for me to lose 32 lbs, but I hope to have a better idea soon and set myself a time goal to work towards. In the meantime, I'm joining the gym and going at least twice a week, plus keeping up the running a few times a week, walking in my lunch breaks and fitting in some regular swimming (which I love) too.

As to the diet I'm cutting down on the portions. My actual foods aren't too bad, although I'm cutting out the crisps (which were beginning to feature a bit too much) and ice cream (same) and down on the alcohol (two glasses of wine this week, not too bad) and sugar (not too much of a problem).

It needs to be something I can live with, but I have found that my health is increasingly important to me: I want to be as healthy as I can be. I'll try to blog my progress. This is the first step in ensuring I actually do it this time: keep your fingers crossed for me!