August? Where did the Summer go?

So it feels like Summer's over already. I've had a great Summer actually. I got two 2.1s and a 2.2 again for my Summer results, which isn't great, but isn't awful, and the best thing is that I managed to turn around my complete confusion about Security, and got the best mark I had in it. So that's a good thing because security studies features heavily this term, it's a big part of International Relations. As for work done over the Summer, it's practically none, although I've read a few papers on Democratic Peace theory, which is supposedly what I'm doing my dissertation on. And I've started reading Alan Collins' 'Security and South East Asia' as he teaches a module I'm taking this term. I've also got some books to start on Power, as this is part of the compulsory module.

I didn't think I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting the Features Editor post, and yet here I am getting together articles for the first Waterfront of this academic year. I've drafted one, and comissioned one, and am in the process of another. So far, so good. I'm having a couple more weeks here, and then I'm going back to Wales to do the layout. Can't wait to get back really, because although I've enjoyed my Summer, I love Swansea.

The only problem with my having a good Summer is that I'm discovering other things I'm good at - I went away and worked as a steward at the Big Chill. The boyfriend is a supervisor, and is badged, and I'm seriously thinking about getting my door supervisor's licence too. I've already done half of it as a licencee, and I like working in the leisure industry. If I get my badge, we will probably spend next Summer travelling the country for events and festivals - that's if I'm not permanently working a travelling burlesque bar, work at which I've just been offered for next Summer.

Looking after the family business while the others went off on holiday didn't help either; the regulars, bless 'em, all want me to take over, despite me insisting from the very beginning that that wasn't going to happen.
So, now, I'm going to apply for funding for my MPhil, and if I don't get it, I'll seriously consider coming back, working for the Family, and possibly managing and training my eventual replacement. Until I have the money to pay for the research masters myself. However, being away from the department for that length of time could be a problem. Plus, the job at the paper is making me think again about journalism; I still wanna be Kate Adie. Foreign Correspondent; now that is a dream job for me, and although I've tried to stifle it with talk of competitiveness, it's in danger of surging up again. So I need to look into that.

In some ways it's a case of taking the hard or easy route, and choosing between money (possibly not a lot of it either) and academia. Do I need to be a 'Dr'? Do I want to perservere with something on one hand I think I love, but am extraordinarily undisciplined about - I'm lazy, and read very minimally; if I really enjoyed it, surely I'd enjoy the reading too? Or should I finish my degree, then go fulltime into something I enjoy and am good at already?

All this and more must be answered. I have another year to turn my laziness around into excellent grades, to prove I have what it takes to do further study, but if I can't motivate myself, I might well be best cutting my losses and giving up on another dream, so I can replace it with another. Again.