I can't watch Neighbours anymore. It's too full of angst. And Doctors (which was a house favourite while I was an undergrad) is waaaay too emotional and deep now, not vaugely crap, which was how I liked it. At the time, we devised a whole drinking game based around its predictability, but now, it's all just too much drama for me. I can't cope with it!
Torchwood is the only thing keeping me sane in the television stakes. That and Charlie Brooker, whose book I'm reading at the moment. I just hope his Screenwipe comes back on soon.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Blame tears
Since my parents split up, there's been plenty of blame assignment. I've blamed my mother for almost everything that's ever gone wrong: I've been angry at her for not being there, for never calling, for leaving...the list goes on, and on. She (and her partner) have in turn blamed my father for the fact the finances aren't settled yet, for the divorce going on so long, for my brother's apathy. And it's this which has caused the problem today. Zander is supposedly applying to go to university this September. However it looks like he hasn't got his application in yet, and it's past the important date for UCAS. She blames my dad for this, saying he doesn't support him enough.
The thing is, no-one has supported him enough. He hasn't got the support of a school, and I'm in another country. My mother calls him from time to time, but won't call the business line of the pub in case my father picks up the phone, even though she knows Zander is often in there, especially in the evenings, when she calls. And she won't visit. The result is she rarely sees or speaks to him. My father has a policy of not nagging him to do anything. Zander is 19, so doesn't need nagging, but he does need support: and he's been missing a real family for nearly four years now.
I don't know what's going to happen. He has been let down badly. My parents are irretrivably embroiled in a petty fight which continues to hurt their children, and I worry this may hold Zander back from a successful and fulfilling adult life. I wish they had been able to put aside their feelings to look after Zander properly: I wish they'd been happy together. I wish a lot of things. I wish most of all that the divorce of my parents hadn't had such a massive impact on my life, that it didn't hurt the way it still does. They say time's a great healer: but it's four years on now, and I'm still crying about it.
The thing is, no-one has supported him enough. He hasn't got the support of a school, and I'm in another country. My mother calls him from time to time, but won't call the business line of the pub in case my father picks up the phone, even though she knows Zander is often in there, especially in the evenings, when she calls. And she won't visit. The result is she rarely sees or speaks to him. My father has a policy of not nagging him to do anything. Zander is 19, so doesn't need nagging, but he does need support: and he's been missing a real family for nearly four years now.
I don't know what's going to happen. He has been let down badly. My parents are irretrivably embroiled in a petty fight which continues to hurt their children, and I worry this may hold Zander back from a successful and fulfilling adult life. I wish they had been able to put aside their feelings to look after Zander properly: I wish they'd been happy together. I wish a lot of things. I wish most of all that the divorce of my parents hadn't had such a massive impact on my life, that it didn't hurt the way it still does. They say time's a great healer: but it's four years on now, and I'm still crying about it.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
The customer is always right
Just a short update - I had a wonderful Christmas, and a drunken New Year, thankyou very much, and all went well and it was less stressful, but still very busy. For a Christmas present from his parents, Dai and I went away to a CenterParcs for a long weekend - my first time on one of those holidays, but I hope not the last. It was awesome.
While I was at home, I saw some of my regulars, which was lovely. This was the last Christmas and New Year we're expecting to hold in the club, and it will be strange this year. One of the locals nearly made me cry (not hard, I know, but still) telling me how he watched me grow up and my family fall apart: but despite all that, he said he thinks I'm a strong person and that although it's not over yet, everyone has complete faith in me. Bless. If only I did half the time! I have to get back to revision now: like somebody on my course said earlier this week, blogging is so much more fun when you've got work to do!
While I was at home, I saw some of my regulars, which was lovely. This was the last Christmas and New Year we're expecting to hold in the club, and it will be strange this year. One of the locals nearly made me cry (not hard, I know, but still) telling me how he watched me grow up and my family fall apart: but despite all that, he said he thinks I'm a strong person and that although it's not over yet, everyone has complete faith in me. Bless. If only I did half the time! I have to get back to revision now: like somebody on my course said earlier this week, blogging is so much more fun when you've got work to do!
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