Blame tears

Since my parents split up, there's been plenty of blame assignment. I've blamed my mother for almost everything that's ever gone wrong: I've been angry at her for not being there, for never calling, for leaving...the list goes on, and on. She (and her partner) have in turn blamed my father for the fact the finances aren't settled yet, for the divorce going on so long, for my brother's apathy. And it's this which has caused the problem today. Zander is supposedly applying to go to university this September. However it looks like he hasn't got his application in yet, and it's past the important date for UCAS. She blames my dad for this, saying he doesn't support him enough.

The thing is, no-one has supported him enough. He hasn't got the support of a school, and I'm in another country. My mother calls him from time to time, but won't call the business line of the pub in case my father picks up the phone, even though she knows Zander is often in there, especially in the evenings, when she calls. And she won't visit. The result is she rarely sees or speaks to him. My father has a policy of not nagging him to do anything. Zander is 19, so doesn't need nagging, but he does need support: and he's been missing a real family for nearly four years now.

I don't know what's going to happen. He has been let down badly. My parents are irretrivably embroiled in a petty fight which continues to hurt their children, and I worry this may hold Zander back from a successful and fulfilling adult life. I wish they had been able to put aside their feelings to look after Zander properly: I wish they'd been happy together. I wish a lot of things. I wish most of all that the divorce of my parents hadn't had such a massive impact on my life, that it didn't hurt the way it still does. They say time's a great healer: but it's four years on now, and I'm still crying about it.