...and I'm back

Clearly I haven't posted much recently. This has been because there's been a fair amount of personal upheaval which has led to me doing my usual thing and trying to hide from the world in whatever possible way! So I apologise.

The long and short of it is that my partner and I split up a couple of months ago now, for many reasons. He has been my longest relationship and I felt I owed it to both of us to end it before things were unbearable. So as a result, I still like him as a person, so we are curently working on building a friendship in the place of our relationship. He came down for Christmas, to see me and the cats which offically are his but live with my dad and brother. The week he was down wasn't easy, but wasn't as bad as I thought it could be, and I plucked up the courage last night to tell him I've been seeing someone else.

For those of you interested, the new relationship is going rather well, and I'm very excited to have been invited to stay with him and his family in the new year. I'm trying to get as much work done as possible to ensure I can have a proper holiday then. Goodness knows I could do with one.

Christmas was good. I managed to get around to see everyone (my Christmas is usually rather complicated, so I thought I'd repeat it here).
So Christmas day started early-ish. I washed my hair and helped sweep up in the pub, whih was covered in paper streamers and glitter from the Christmas Eve celebrations. Dad, Zander, Charley and I opened our gifts from each other (I got rollerskates, a t shirt, a bottle of rum, yo ho ho, a box from Lush and chocolate) and then had breakfast.
Then make up and over to Mum's to open gifts from her, which included a lovely teapot and purfume (Karma from Lush, the only one I wear), and then home to work the lunchtime shift in the pub, and cook lunch. We closed at two and ate lunch, and then Zander and I went to my Nan's new house to hang out at the family do. My Nan's house is perfect for that kind of thing, it has a lovely big sitting room and a big hole looking through to the kitchen from the dining room. My cousin has four children now, and I had a good time helping set up and then shamelessly playing with their toys...they had some seriously cool stuff, like that Thomas the Tank Engine thing where you draw the track on and it follows it, and the truth or dare hand thingy game.
After that we came back home and helped Dad run the pub. We stayed open longer than we were going to, so it was a nice evening.
Yesterday was very busy in the pub, we had a 65th birthday celebration for our uber-fab barmaid and everyone had a good time until way after closing when a fight broke out over stupid things...I've never seen trouble like that in the pub. So we were up very late and I had to be up early to drive Charley back to Bristol.
All in all I haven't got much sleep over the last few days and am looking forward to an early night...if possible! Sorry this isn't a terribly interesting blog, it's just a catch up for those who are interested. I'll be back soon, hopefully posting some better content soon!

Little luxuries

In a part of my life when I feel I have so little time, it's nice to indulge in little luxuries.

1. Lying in bed until midday. On the surface, a waste of precious time. But when you're often up at two in the morning, not so bad!
2. A bath with something from Lush thrown in
3. Wearing perfume at all times
4. Wearing matching underwear - it doesn't happen very often!
5. Watching steam rise from a cup of fruit tea
6. Visiting the deli just up the road for dolmades or bread
7. Walking just two minutes to the beach
8. Getting soaked on the bike ride home - it's great, you can really go for it in the puddles then run in and wrap yourself in towels
9. Cocoa, in all forms
10. Putting on makeup
11. Wearing pyjamas during the day
12. Going out for dinner (a big luxury, I guess, but pretty lovely)
13. Being all warm and snuggled up in bed when it's raining
14. Having nothing desperate to do for a few hours

Another week, another night out...

What a week. I'm shattered, and have been for days. Yesterday I was swearing that if I stayed up beyond midnight ever again I thought I'd die. So at 2am I was rolling around drunk on my living room floor with my flatmates, Penny and Bethan. Here's how it happened.
Bethan's friend Louise came down. She's basically family and is really good fun. Like most of us, she's got a lot going on at the moment. Her and Bethan went out during the day and when they came back we drank four bottles of various wine and half a bottle of schnapps and went out to Jaks. Now. I didn't mean stay out as late as we did but once I was out...
Jaks, and indeed Swansea in general is quite a lot of a cattlemarket on a saturday night. There were four of us though, and we managed to bat off most potential 'gentlemen' (using the term loosely) but Louise was swung around the dancefloor by quite a few local boys. We were using the danceoff technique, where we swap places and keep moving throughout the crowd so we don't spend too much time near groups of voyeuristic pissheads, plus, we can spot potential stalkers etc. So that worked fine, and the music was great. It can be a bit variable, but last night was good. And the most shocking thing was that Penny has pretty much started dancing. Maybe she's more drunk, maybe there's something in the water, but she is definitely dancing a bit these days. It's awesome, we love drunken Penny. Bethan spilt her drink down my cleavage, and decided to retrieve it with her tounge, which was funny, but I had to stop her before she got ideas!
So we had some shots, and some drinks and some dancing. It was about 1am, and some dancing queen had managed to stand on my ankle with her stilletto (my ANKLE? how? I have no clue, but I do know that it hurt) Bethan caught me and kept me upright; and the girl never noticed. How would you not notice if you just dragged your spiked heel down someones bone? Eugh. I don't mind getting injured, but an apology is always nice.
After a bit Penny and I were knackered, and we all made a move for home. We stopped for food (something I never do, ever) and I didn't realise until then how hungry I was. Were hassled by tramps, which amused Louise, and we wended our merry way home. We got in and tripped over all the stuff we'd left lying around, including a giant glass bowl which I stood in twice. Bethan had managed to break two glasses earlier in the evening which she had already cleaned up ("I've never done so much housework in my life" she said, hoovering the floor for the second time that night) but forgetting this we collapsed on the floor and rolled around and giggled for no reason that I can remember.
Definitely time for bed. I said goodnight to everyone and went upstairs. My bed! I collapsed and fell asleep in seconds.
This morning I was awake at half eight. Why can't I sleep through? It was just as well, I needed to go to the library. Presentation to give on tuesday. I'm going to go work on that now. Asian democracy and values or weak states anyone?

Zander pays a visit...

So yesterday, the house and associated flatmates were treated to a sight indeed; three female generations of my family in one room. Nanny mark 1, 2 and 3. Of course there wasn't a lot of room once we were all in there! Mum drove Zander up, and while they went home after a few hours, the rest of us all got ready and went out for a meal and then hit town.
Said town was packed. I've never seen Swansea so busy! We went to Que Pasa for cocktails and tragic VJ-ing, and then on to the lava lounge, which evidently was holding some kind of grab a grandad night. The music was old and likeable, lots of disco and some Wham! which always goes down well with me. I usually dance like a mad lady when I'm out (as some friends will surely verify) so it was a relatively quiet one for me. Zander however, seemed to really enjoy himself and is currently going on about how much he likes Wales. I'm still having problems believing that my little brother is eighteen. He's spent the entire week celebrating so he was shattered by the time he got round to visiting me.
I was also supposed to be at a stag do last night; one of my friends from the infamous house in Uplands where I've spent a few evenings (including the one where a good girlfriend of mine came on to me rather disasterously) is getting married. We've been through the whole why thing, and actually I think it's a perfectly fine idea. Not that my opinion makes any difference. Very excited for them both. So last night was the stag do, and although I missed all the stripping, I was in time to help them drink a bottle of my favourite rum (Captain Morgan's Spiced, in case you were wondering) and to chat. The actual thing is happening on Tuesday, so I'm out to dinner to celebrate. Good job my loan came through! Although I really spoilled Zander (and myself) this weekend. Oh well. He'll only be eighteen once.

Jobs I wouldn't mind doing...

• Foreign Correspondent. Providing my basic French ('je voudrais une baguette, si vous plait') is enough on the language front.

• Newspaper reporter. Not sport or British party politics. Other than that, I'm not too fussy.

• Opinion Columnist. My opinion, in a column, reularly, in a paper. Ideal!

• Lecturer. I'd love that.

• Independent International Adviser. Afraid of war breaking out? I'll come over, make a large pot of tea, sit everyone down and help you work out a solution.

• Barmaid in a very busy, yet very friendly pub where everyone who is everyone hangs out.

• Obviously, I'd love to run an all vegan, rock n' roll 50's style diner, with a bus to take it to all the festivals. And I will, one day.

• Professional gift wrapper. I love wrapping presents. I don't want to sell anything, just wrap stuff.

• Professional hugger. I like doing that sort of thing, and the feedback I get suggests that I'm pretty good at it. So why not get paid for it? Don't get paid for anything you wouldn't do for free - see, perfect!

No money? Oh well, go out on the piss anyway.

Right. So no loan yet. Damn. Car tax due. Bollocks. (Large) Overdraft maxed out. Nice. Must be due a night out then. Bethan: "Let's go out dancing on Friday night!" Wicked, as I keep saying, square donkeys wouldn't keep me away. Tim: "You getting drunk on Friday night?" Sure am, I'm going to Jaks, it's illegal to be sober when you get in there. But, my, was I drunk by the time I got in there. It seemed to take ages for us to all get going; we've all had a very hard week, what with the paper being printed this weekend and me being let down left right and centre plus all the emotional trauma. We got into Jaks and I just stood there and giggled. I knew I needed to take off my coat and dig out some money but it was an effort. Time to stop drinking. I usually stop at 11, then dance it out and ta-da, no hangover. So: much water, much dancing. No hangover, but am markedly tired. I had a good night though! Ooh: Bethan kissed a man for the first time since her ex...awesome...that's pretty damn cool.
So today, research, lazing around, nice. Boyfriend away working. Found an amazing course...MA in International Journalism...is that perfect or what? I think I've changed my mind about the Dr thing....

Ha, I'm so embarrassing!

I was talking to Zander, my little brother, who's actually not so little anymore, and is indeed about to become a man, on MSN messenger. I wanted him to read my articles for the paper to gain his point of view. So he did, and was completely embarrassed by something in almost every article I'd written! "Eugh, that's just what every brother wants to see online written by their sister!" Aparently mentioning breasts and condoms and balls (and not the football kind, either) is slightly cringeworthy. He clearly doesn't know me at all! What on earth would I talk about if I never mentioned breasts? Absolutely mad, there's no way we can actually be related. I bet he's wishing we weren't, right now, too.

Moany moan moan moan...

Bollocks, bollocks bollocks. I've come down with a virus for the first time in many months. Looks like the whole office has got it, yesterday's editor meeting was punctauted by everyone coughing. Yuk, I just hope I didn't give it to the boyfriend at the weekend. So I manged to sleep last night for five hours, after which I had to get up and self-medicate. What do you mean there's no lemsip in the house? And I'm supposed to go into uni for a lecture later. The last lecture of that course, so I suspect it's pretty important. Dammit. The sun has barely risen and I'm sat up in bed in my fluffiest jumper, typing this load of fever-induced rubbish. In case you hadn't quite got it, I'm no good at being ill.

What the hell? I went out??

Yup, Swansea was treated to an evening's entertainment as I (and, indeed, most of the editors of Waterfront) went on the piss. Sorry, I mean, partook in an evening out during which we imbibed several alcholoic drinks. Messy is not the word. My god.
Seriously though, it was singularly the best night out I have had in a long time.
We started in Varsity, a well decorated pub with a reputation as a cattle market. It was quiet, in fact there was only a couple of us there by the time I stumbled in - in the cutest pair of red shoes you have ever seen, I hasten to add - which cut my toes open and are now covered in blood. Nice. And I was late. After everyone else turned up, half an hour later, a few drinks and a remarkably efficent 'steal the stool' protocol whereby whenever someone got up another would sit down, which led to much mixing, I had drunk two glasses of rose and a dark rum and was certainly well on my way.
Eventually we got out of there and went to Idols. I'd never been there before, but it was actually really quite good and I did have a good time there. The music was shockingly cheesey, just the way I like it, but holy crud, the drinks. I'm sure I drank one in every colour of the rainbow. They were awful. Believe it or not, you can get a cheap version of VK - the cheap version of WKD - called VS. Disgusting. And I drank it anyway.
We then moved on to Revolution, where I nearly got everyone chucked out by threatening to walk across the table because I wanted to get out, but they have 'U' shaped tables and I got a bit claustrophobic. Meanies.
Anyway, while I was there, it's entirely possible that I might have suggested that we went to Jumpin' Jaks - the cheesiest club in the town, dontcha know. This was quarter to one.
So, off some of us went, me barefoot in the rain. We were all soaked through by the time we got there. Once there, we had the pleasure of the entirely predictable retro cheese music. I loved it. And I had the pleasure of danicing with Dai, who not only is incredibly clever (no, seriously, you should see his website http://www.daibach.co.uk/) and pixie-like, but is very good fun -and also my height, pretty much. Short men are definitely the best to dance with. For me anyway.
We had a very good time, and he took good care of me - Jak's can also be a bit of a cattle market, especially with the middle aged men who often lurk on the side of the dance floor - yuk. However, it's still my favourite club, no doubt.
There was much hugging and dancing and drinking (ahhh, Waterfront gets loved up!) We eventually stumbled out and headed home. I got a whole 5 hours sleep before cycling into uni during a break in the rain. The office was hangover central. I had to leave at 3ish. Well, I'd done some proof reading, dammit. I've just got out of a beautiful bath, and at my house tonight we're watching X Men 3, yay! I love Wolverine. Perfect hangover night in.

Is this a sign? For Mark and Bela.

I found out that, yet again, there has been a change of staff within the department at Uni. Dr. Mark Smith, a particularly brilliant lecturer, in my opinion, is at this very moment running a weekend Seminar for the Foreign Office at their Wilton Park resort on Chemical and Biological Weapons.
I know this because I'm pretty good at 'research' (by which I mean snooping around on the internet). It's obviously a good job ( 'good 'probably isn't the word, actually), and I'm pleased he has it, as he's a talented man (plus I did really badly on his module, despite enjoing it loads more than I thought I would, so at least I don't have to face him about it) but the department has lost another good lecturer...and I've started questioning why.

Is it because it's a crappy university, or department? Is it because there are simply better opportunities to move on to, or is it a horrible place to work? We have good staff who have been there for a long time; I suppose it's not a place for everyone to stay on. Perhaps I am so used to my teachers at school - many of whom had already been there for 25 years+ when I got there -that I expect people to stay, regardless of opportunity or unhappiness. Some of my teachers at school were evidently deeply unhappy at being stuck in one place with few prospects.

I know I am being quite unreasonable; I think in their place, I'd want the freedom and chances to do a variety of things too. But at the moment, these people are my role models; I want time to learn from them. Perhaps this is a sign that I can learn from many, and must be exposed to different styles and...this is probably all true, but Mark made understanding easy, and I can't pretend I'm not disappointed, and a little sad. A friend of mine last year lost her very favourite lecturer, and she felt it would be better if she at least got to say goodbye. Lecturers seem to pass like ships in the night sometimes, leaving a gap, like a missing book from a shelf.

But anyway, it's the way it must go, and with luck, another will come and refill the space with new wisdom. If I became an academic, I would work with many brilliant people. That won't happen unless I can work out what I really want, because I'm still not sure I want to be an academic at all. Whatever I decide, at least I'll be able to say I am proud to have been taught by some brilliant and ambitious teachers, who have inspired me and continue to enrich me with their knowledge and learning.

Scrap that - just visit Bob's.

I did put a map up, like the one you'll find if you visit my good friend Bob's blog (his challenge is to learn every language, come back here and learn Welsh you crazy man, that'll show you language) but mine although pretty good, is laughable compared to his. So go see his. He's in Russia at the mo', learning lots. http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/bobsie/

August? Where did the Summer go?

So it feels like Summer's over already. I've had a great Summer actually. I got two 2.1s and a 2.2 again for my Summer results, which isn't great, but isn't awful, and the best thing is that I managed to turn around my complete confusion about Security, and got the best mark I had in it. So that's a good thing because security studies features heavily this term, it's a big part of International Relations. As for work done over the Summer, it's practically none, although I've read a few papers on Democratic Peace theory, which is supposedly what I'm doing my dissertation on. And I've started reading Alan Collins' 'Security and South East Asia' as he teaches a module I'm taking this term. I've also got some books to start on Power, as this is part of the compulsory module.

I didn't think I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting the Features Editor post, and yet here I am getting together articles for the first Waterfront of this academic year. I've drafted one, and comissioned one, and am in the process of another. So far, so good. I'm having a couple more weeks here, and then I'm going back to Wales to do the layout. Can't wait to get back really, because although I've enjoyed my Summer, I love Swansea.

The only problem with my having a good Summer is that I'm discovering other things I'm good at - I went away and worked as a steward at the Big Chill. The boyfriend is a supervisor, and is badged, and I'm seriously thinking about getting my door supervisor's licence too. I've already done half of it as a licencee, and I like working in the leisure industry. If I get my badge, we will probably spend next Summer travelling the country for events and festivals - that's if I'm not permanently working a travelling burlesque bar, work at which I've just been offered for next Summer.

Looking after the family business while the others went off on holiday didn't help either; the regulars, bless 'em, all want me to take over, despite me insisting from the very beginning that that wasn't going to happen.
So, now, I'm going to apply for funding for my MPhil, and if I don't get it, I'll seriously consider coming back, working for the Family, and possibly managing and training my eventual replacement. Until I have the money to pay for the research masters myself. However, being away from the department for that length of time could be a problem. Plus, the job at the paper is making me think again about journalism; I still wanna be Kate Adie. Foreign Correspondent; now that is a dream job for me, and although I've tried to stifle it with talk of competitiveness, it's in danger of surging up again. So I need to look into that.

In some ways it's a case of taking the hard or easy route, and choosing between money (possibly not a lot of it either) and academia. Do I need to be a 'Dr'? Do I want to perservere with something on one hand I think I love, but am extraordinarily undisciplined about - I'm lazy, and read very minimally; if I really enjoyed it, surely I'd enjoy the reading too? Or should I finish my degree, then go fulltime into something I enjoy and am good at already?

All this and more must be answered. I have another year to turn my laziness around into excellent grades, to prove I have what it takes to do further study, but if I can't motivate myself, I might well be best cutting my losses and giving up on another dream, so I can replace it with another. Again.

Hey! A month later...

...and I have

• got a little older! Turned 21 over the holiday. Feel no different.
• still got loads and loads of work to do. 6 days, virtually 2 essays to write. Bugger.
• taken and passed a course so I can apply to have a personal licence to 'sell and authorise the sale of alcohol'. Woo, the parties are where I am!
• further added to my expertise in procrastiniating (hence this post). However, my essays will be in on time. I never miss deadlines.
• had an interview for Features Editor for Waterfront, the student newspaper. Babbled incoherently. Answered some of the questions, completely buggered up the others. Not expecting to get the post.
• got the tickets to Beautiful Days on the way...yay, another festival camping with Penny and her Blokey!
• lost all the fitness I gained. Wait til my essays are in, the gym won't know whose big ass hit it.
• got too much to do to carry on. See you soon!

Rocky Horror...and I don't just mean my family!

So I'm back in Plymouth. I have survived the book wars, which take place at the end of every Spring term, where students fight over library books to take out to do essays over the holidays. I am unscathed as well - I'm beginning to think I always choose the hard titles, hence me nearly always being able to get hold of books.
I also survived last weekend. There was a house party on Friday, which was amazing until we all got way too drunk, when I lost the power of communication and really messed up...Saturday was another house party, this time in Bristol, which was really nice. And Sunday I went out to dinner with my Mum and Nan for Mother's Day. In Plymouth. Which was really tasty, actually, they did me a delicious stirfry, with loads of yummy mushrooms.....mmmmm! It was also Syd's Birthday, but she's not nearby, so I rang her and we had a bit of a chat; I'm thinking of getting on a megabus soon to see her and also visit Bethan this 'holiday' (If you had to do 7,500 words this holiday you'd use commas too).
So I'm finally here. I'm doing what I always do when I get home; being taken out for lunch by Dad, and cleaning. 48 hours into me arriving there's always a kind of arguement - at least one of us falls out with the other, but with that out of the way this morning I'm hoping that's all over and done with.
My brother had a spare ticket to see Rocky Horror tonight, so we went to that, all dressed up and so on. I love Rocky Horror, and tonight was probably the best one I've seen! My favourite musical? Probably, actually, although offically Chicago holds that title. It was wicked, so glad Zander's friends couldn't/wouldn't go with him!
Anyway, it's late. I have to go peel myslef out of electric blue fishnets stockings before I go to bed. Night all!

My Style Gurus

My Style Gurus

This is a special post that I will update, as and when I find somone else to add. My taste is bold, which is why so much kid's TV is there, and I love anything 1950's inspired. So, to date;

Holly Willoughby http://www.hollywilloughby.co.uk/

From Holly and Stephen's Saturday Showdown, and Dancing on Ice etc etc. Fabulous taste. And gorgeous.

Sophie (My Parents are Aliens) www.granadakids.com/aliens

Ok, so it's not the best picture, but if you watch the show, you'll see the costumes for Sophie are pretty funky.

New Update 30th August 2006

Cyndi Lauper

Awesome make-up, huh? Definitely more inspiring than Madonna, although until she started getting her bikini line out at every opportunity, I was quite a fan.

I should also register my approval of Sheridan Smith. Star of one of my favourite shows, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, she has possibly the best cleavage on television. Admittedly, she's often seen in tracksuits becasue of her character, Janet, but I think she's rather lovely. She's made quite a career out of her breasts too, Grownups, the other BBC Three show she stars in was kept afloat by them. Although the guy with the Welsh accent was rather sweet too. The picture is from the West End production of Little Shop of Horrors, and some of the other pictures I've seen are stunning.

By Special Request; Breasts!

Bethan and Penny are, of course, the very special requesters. Actually they've got a good point, a lot of time is spent talking about breasts; mostly our own, as we have best experience of them.
Penny is slender. Very slender in fact, and not just by my standards. However, she does it all without managing to look like a 12 year-old boy. How? She has slim hips, an even slimmer waist, and breasts which although small, are large in proportion to her body. She says it's all air filled, but then showed us (in her pajamas, perverts) the difference, sans bra. Well, as Bethan would say, I was holding myself back. Her boyfriend's a lucky man.
I'm a shortarse, as I've mentioned before, and what Bravissimo would call 'super curvy'. Which means that the difference between my waist and bust is significant. And I've always thought of my breasts as my best feature (well, for as long as I've had them, anyway). They are...medium. Or small, if you come from my family, where I'm beginning to think someone managed to concieve after a threesome with a pair of watermelons. Don't even think I'm joking. At family parties, my Nan and her sister get stuck in doorways, when walking sideways. And it's not excess baggage - just the way they're all shaped. I daily thank the errr, divine, or whatever, for my less extravagant breasts and the hips to balance them out. I am the hourglass people bang on about. With freakishly muscular legs to boot.
Bethan is similar in many ways, but I suspect would describe herself as more of a pear, as that's where her genes lie. As apposed to watermelons. But actually, she balances out well. Her breasts are definitely bigger than mine. Then again, she says that in proportions, mine are probably bigger (she's at least average height). Let's just call them sumptuous, because I love that word, and Bethan is more than a handful, so it's apt, too. And I am more than happy to reliquish the large breast crown to Bethan. As it's her. In fact, I'd probably look more like her, if it wasn't for that freak accident I can't remember at all (yet am convinced happened) when I was cruelly but unintentionally smacked on the head with a giant hammer and ended up six inches shorter than I should have been. (Not really, the women in my family rarely exceed five foot).
Anyway, I hope that fills their breast blog requirements!

Since I've been exercising I've had a stupid amount of energy. Strange but true. I went out on Thursday, threw some granny pants at the band we went to support, drank a bit and hugged everyone several times. And yesterday I was itching to go out dancing. It's made me realise how much I miss Will. Will was my dancing friend. We were very close, and had the same awful taste in music. Which was why we could go out dancing together. He never made a move on me (wish I could say the same) but was enough to throw off the wierdos when we were out. All the boys I know know like good music, and won't dance, or get the wrong idea.
Enough moaning, I'm going to Bristol later to go to a benefit Charley's putting on for our friends. It's mostly folk, but with cheesy DJ-ing from his flatmate! Yay! Much danceage tonight then.

Ooh! Quizzes!

You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight.You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder.Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily.Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!

What Goddess Are You?

I know, I'm really opinionated.

So, discussion in our house yesterday evening. I know I'm really cold and harsh and all that, but I was relieved that the Euopean Court said no to Natalie Evans with her request to use the embryos her and her ex partner froze to have a baby. I think the court was right because;

1/ It is not your right to have your own genetic child. I'm sure it's lovely, and very fulfilling but really, as someone who was brought up by a man who is not my father, it doesn't make a difference. The world is overpopulated. Infanticide is common in certain areas such as China, abortions happen regularly, babies are given for adoption. Adopt instead.

2/Why does she think it is just up to her to decide when to have a baby? It's not just up to her, it is as much her ex partner's choice as hers. No contest. Things change.

3/Why does she think it's a good idea to knowingly have a baby without a father? Would you want to be that baby, finding out that your father did not want you, and that it was dragged through the courts to stop you being born? I actually think that single parent families are fine, and that single people should be able to adopt, but this is an argument that could be put forward.

4/The rights of the unborn child. If she really believed in those, she would attempt to carry every single one of those embryos. Bet she wouldn't. Some would be destroyed. I work on a pain factor. I'm told that the foetus develops a central nervous system at about 10 - 12 weeks. After that it probably can feel pain, and then I think it probably does have rights, in my opinion. If I got pregnant and felt I had to abort, I would do everything I could to make sure I did it beofre then. I think here was a case of someone misusing someone else's ethics to make an impression on the court.

Bethan disagrees with me, citing the genetic child as important; which is fine, but I just disagree funadamentally. Then again, as I said, I'm harsh - I don't think IVF should be available on the NHS. In fact I think it shouldn't be available at all, but I understand the exsistential arguement there - how can you univent it?

In my seminar today we talked about this kind of thing a little; it was interesting becuase one girl even thought that rape vitcims shouldn't be allowed abortions, becuase of the child's right to life. She was coming from a religious point of view, obviously not my thing, but it was good to hear someone being more radical than me, even if I totally disagree.

Anyway, today I must choose and start to research essay titles. I love choosing essay titles! In fact I love everything and everyone. I'm ovulating at the moment, and I've been swimming twice and to the gym twice this week. I'm over-energised! I went out last night, there was a lot of love from everyone, we were all hugging each other. A little too much alcohol, and a generally over excited bunch of people. Nice though, had a good time.

oh no, she's banging on about veganism again...

I know I've mentioned it before, but I REALLY REALLY love and am addicted to www.veganlunchbox.blogspot.com ...and today I was browsing Jennifershmoo's other blog (see it at www.schmooblog.blogspot.com). She has made a little list of
...if the whole world was vegan...

Which made me think of my own list! (YAY! I love lists!!)

If the Whole World were Vegan I would....

1/ Eat out a lot more. Being Vegan means eating out is hard, if not actually impossible. Usually there may be one thing on the menu you can collaberate with the chef over to make it vegan. Or you can go to a special restaurant, where the food may be vegan, but it may equally be tasteless, and I hate paying for food when I can make it better at home. (That actually happens a lot. I think it's partly because when you cook for yourself, usually totally from scratch, ALL the time, you really get down to what you like and what you don't. It's also because when you have that much practice, and are a student on a seriously low budget you've got to get good - or really hungry.)

2/Make more friends! Maybe. Some people, I've noticed, make eating a lot of meat part of their personality...How odd is that? I'm a vegan, but it's not my personality - it's my lifestyle, idiot. It does make compassion part of my personality though - what do you get?

3/Talk about vegan food less, and talk about food more. It would all be the same!

4/Start up the 50's diner I dream about - immediately. I'd be one of the few who actually knew how to cook.

5/Hopefully, get more time to study and make clothes - now I can eat out!

6/Drink alcohol (especially wine) and not think twice!

7/Rejoice in smoke free air. I have a strong belief that you can't smoke and be vegan. Think of the Beagles, and all the crap in the tobacco - you know what it is, do you? Do you my ass! There is a vegan brand, but that doesn't make it much nicer.

Anyway, that list got a bit out of hand. I don't mean to sound so...vegan!
I do like my lists, so there's bound to be more. It's another seminar week, I'm up late trying to scrape a presentation together - I hate giving bad presentations, but I've really tried on this one, but am throughly confused.
Another one to give on Friday...there are not enough hours this week.
If you see any bits of my brain floating round Wales after my head has exploded, please let me know...I feel a combustion coming on!

Jesus H Christ...

What the hell is going on? So many people I used to know at school are (no, not pushing prams, thankyou, Billy and Kirsty - it's much scarier than that) getting religion. And not just religion, but Christianity. Well, bugger me with a fishfork. I was a particularly spiritual person at school; I was a solitary witch and it was a big part of my life. It helped me a lot, but it helped me the most by making me realise that the best way for me to honour the divine was by actually getting off my ass and doing something, which is part of the reason why I do activism. But my beliefs are deeply rooted in ecology and so on, and as an anarchist, organised religion is crazy shit as far as I'm concerned (and all this from a girl who went to sunday school for ten years). What's most interesting is the way it's happening at the same stage of people's lives, while they're at university. (Don't you know you're supposed to be having orgies and experimenting with drugs? It's the anti-rebellious backlash! I guess I'm not either, but I don't know about you guys - I did all that while at school.)
I still love all you guys. But I can't say I understand you.
I think that's ok though, no doubt I'm difficult to understand too!

so much driving....

Sorry ozone layer. I really am. I think that this week I have sealed its fate by driving from Swansea to Plymouth to Falmouth and all the way back again. I didn't want to learn to drive, but then I had the experience known as 'driving with Ben'. Ben could drive. Ben would drive. Ben would drive lots of people around to various things around the country. With Ben I travelled many miles. After a while it became apparent that Ben was incredibly short sighted. (My right eye is pretty bad, but his were both worse.) After that, driving with Ben was hardly relaxing. I couldn't sleep because at roundabouts and junctions he couldn't read the signs. This experience really spurred me into action on the learning to drive front. And it took tears, rage and three driving instructors and tests but I did it. Just. And yet I still reckon I'm one of the safest drivers I know. I also reckon everyone says that.
Anyway, Charley can't drive. Well, he can, but he's not allowed, they say he has too many bad habits. He failed his test 6 times. So I drove. And drove.

The funeral was actually ok, teary, but there was a real sense of relief, closure and thankfulness that she wasn't suffering any longer. She was buried, and Charley was a bearer, which I think is a really brave and lovely thing to do.
She left him one of their mother's rings, which she had 'looked after' for him.
In better news, there's to be a wedding of one of Charley's nieces in September, and plans to make a proper weekend of it; I love Charley's family, there's so many of them! If we can go, it'll be fun.

Afterwards we went to see our good friend Syd. She lives nearby, and it was so great to see her. She cooked us a fabulous (and let me tell you, I am seriously fussy about indian style food) coconut curry - I don't think I've enjoyed aubergine in anything so much, ever. It was so nice to catch up a bit, I haven't seen her in ages as she traverses the country to see family and partner, and our paths rarely cross these days. We went through all her books and stuff, and she has a new laptop; maybe she'll visit here soon!?

It was nice to see our cats and my Dad and brother too; I took some photos of the cats, when I get Zander to send them over I'll hopefully upload them.

Now I'm making an appearance back in Wales after missing a whole week of lectures I'd better get on with those seminar presentations...and there's supposed to be a lecturer strike next week. I've got no chance, have I?

On house news; I can't quite believe it but; Bethan's room is really quite tidy! What has happened? All my housemates are out, I might die of suspense before Penny gets back!

I was dancing...yeah!

I got to go dancing! I text a friend of mine, and they were going to the infamous Baron's (seen Twin Town? It doesn't look like that inside now, mind.) so I went too. We danced non stop, the music was cheesey, the floors unbelievably sticky, and the all inclusive alcohol flowing from the own brand bottles, so a real classy night out. I had a great time! You know you're in Wales when it's 1.30am, you're in a club and the Stereophonic's 'A Thousand Trees' is playing and everyone knows the words. I actually think Kelly Jones single handedly boosted Wales' university applications. (I'm a good girl so I checked out the courses...that's not to say I never had a ginormous crush on Kelly.)
Today we are going to the beach and getting ready to leave Wales tomorrow. I'm pretty much packed. Not going to be great fun, but it's one of those things I guess. Back Wednesday.

it never rains but it pours...

So the seminars are over for another fortnight. Next time, I'll be giving two presentations. But real news is that one of Charley's sisters died. She was fourty-nine and smoked, ate mostly fry ups and did no exercise. Diagnosed with depression too late she pretty much stopped living after their parents died and lost her job. Her twin died a couple of years ago after a long battle with cancer. Lasy year she was put into a nursing home - having never left home, one of her sisters looked after her but it was too much pressure.
I met her several times, and it was a lot of stress for Charley visiting her because as he says 'it was all self-inflicted'. Last time I saw her she was begging the doctor to put her out of her misery. The funeral's on Tuesday, so we're going down to Kernow next week. It's sad, but all she wanted was to be with her Mum and Dad.
Also Bethan fell down our stairs yesterday. I was reading in bed and I heard a crash and she shouted for me. Her elbow was painful and swollen immediately. I put a sling on it badly and drove her to casualty. Fortunately it wasn't broken but the sac around the joint had burst, causing the immediate swelling. She's on painkillers and in the sling for a week. Our stairs are pretty trecherous, must ask landlord for a handrail.
The gym was actually quite good! It has these machines where you can plug in headphones and watch TV! I went on the rowing machine on too high a resistance and pulled loads of my weak muscles so I'm waiting for them to heal a bit before rowing again.
Anyway, after all that, I wouldn't mind going to a particularly cheesy club tonight for a dance. Whether I can find anyone to go with me is another matter, my taste in cheese is even cheesier than most!

Denial? Deterrance? Doing some reading?

So the seminar went ok today; they usually do. It's always the boys though! One presentation and they're straight in there - blindingly obvious they've done no reading on the subject - yet feel they can criticise. Makes me giggle, especially when I know they're talking bollocks. Which is what I will probably be doing tomorrow, as I have not done enough. But I did swim a kilometre though. (Sounds good, huh? 20 lengths of the National Pool for Wales - kilometre.) And, picked up prescription sunglasses. I am a habitual glasses wearer due to my right eye being generally rubbish. Left one - fine. I could wear a monocle. (Spelling?) I did actually only have one contact lens. So it's very exciting news that finally my fear of hitting something while driving due to being blinded by the sun can be laid to rest. (I'm a shortarse you see, and those visor flap things are no assistance.) And Penny informs me the glasses are very glam. Double whammy.
Tomorrow; seminar - America is an Empire. Discuss. And gym induction. I hate gyms on the whole but there is some serious toning needed, and swimming, although I love it, involves the whole hassle of getting wet. It means I have to wash my hair, and as I have a policy of washing my hair twice a week at most (to maintain healthiness, natural oil and scalp balance; and reduce the amount of times I can dry and straighten it) makes it a bit inconvenient. Plus I love beating boys at leg press. (I've been cycling a lot recently. You have been warned.) I'm probably nowhere near as strong as I was when I played hockey though - I miss it, but can't face the AU, team bonding and Saturday matches. Or the cheerleaders. Oh god! So hopefully the gym and I will be friends, but there were a whole lot of skinny people down there today, not to mention the jocks.
(If you weren't bored by all that, you're a very special person.)
p.s Beware the Lists. They will be arriving soon.

Back again! Don't worry, the novelty will wear off soon, I'm sure. I managed to finish the chapter on Threats (ominous isn't it? I think that's the idea) but have still got two articles to read tonight. (I'm an obsessive list writer, so I know everything I have to do.) My to do list is still rather full today, but I learnt how to do the pictures on this thing, and got a fabulous vegan gingerbread recipe from the Vegan Lunchbox blog, so you can't say I've completely wasted my time.
Talking of vegan, it's been nearly 4 and a half years since I gave up dairy and eggs, having never eaten meat in the first place. Considering I'm 20, that feels like a long time! But I can't imagine my life any other way. Tea tonight; Cheatin' Turkey Roast slices with steamed vegetables (mangetout, broccoli, runner beans and carrots) with miso gravy. Followed by soy custard and banana cake which my other flatmate, Bethan, made. Very full now, I'm using 'time of the month' as an excuse to pig out. Again.

photographic moans and academia calls

Quite why uploading a picture was so difficult I do not know; however, I'm hoping I've cracked it now!
Anyhow, it's Monday, and it's a Seminar Week here at Swansea University. Sounds fun, huh? ('not really, Anna, no...') Well, it is, but there's a lot of preparation before you go. I have no presentations to give this time, but that doesn't mean I don't have to do the reading for them...and some of it is really boring, or just difficult. So I'm procrastinating a bit, but I'm a student, right? I shouldn't even be awake now! I guess I'd better finish that chapter on Nuclear Deterrance and international threats...ooh! I feel all clever now!

now will you publish??
copyleft (open use for non commercial purposes)

So...do I look like a people person?

do I look like a people person?
copyleft (open use for non commercial purposes)

First blog...

So this is blogging? I've on and off kept a diary for most of my life, so I guess this is simply a more public and technological upgrade from a book with a rubbish lock. So, introductions!
I'm Anna. I study at Swansea University, and have come back from a stupidly hetic weekend in Bristol. I go there a lot because my partner lives there, and we saw lots of friends, which was great, even though most of them seem to be moving/travelling/breaking up/making a whole load of tramatic changes (delete as appropriate, friends!) and went to the benefit gig for the hunt sabs. It finished pretty late; I had dragged my poor flatmate Penny over to go shopping and to the gig and we were all exhausted by the time we got home. We drove back to Wales today; the weekend was way too short.
I also wanted to try to explain the title here - it is, sadly enough, from a song by Feeder. It is a phrase stuck on my wall, and last year, feeling the spring fever (I think; anyway, I was fed up with winter) I realised that I'm doing ok. I'm where I want to be, and I have the opportunity to attempt to do the stuff I'd like to do. But not all dreams are good ones. In all honesty, my dreams are usually just plain wierd. But it's the thought which counts.