Jobs I wouldn't mind doing...

• Foreign Correspondent. Providing my basic French ('je voudrais une baguette, si vous plait') is enough on the language front.

• Newspaper reporter. Not sport or British party politics. Other than that, I'm not too fussy.

• Opinion Columnist. My opinion, in a column, reularly, in a paper. Ideal!

• Lecturer. I'd love that.

• Independent International Adviser. Afraid of war breaking out? I'll come over, make a large pot of tea, sit everyone down and help you work out a solution.

• Barmaid in a very busy, yet very friendly pub where everyone who is everyone hangs out.

• Obviously, I'd love to run an all vegan, rock n' roll 50's style diner, with a bus to take it to all the festivals. And I will, one day.

• Professional gift wrapper. I love wrapping presents. I don't want to sell anything, just wrap stuff.

• Professional hugger. I like doing that sort of thing, and the feedback I get suggests that I'm pretty good at it. So why not get paid for it? Don't get paid for anything you wouldn't do for free - see, perfect!