It's official, I'm shallow

Ok. I'm announcing this on my blog in the hope that I'll actually get on and do this. I want to have a healthy BMI. To do that, I need to lose 2 stone and 4 pounds, or 32 pounds.

That's a lot. More...than I thought. You'll probably know I'm vegan, and I'm not exactly adverse to exercise: in fact I'm quite keen on it. However, I also love food and I'm only five foot, which doesn't give me much room for manovre apart from, well, outwards.

My main problem with losing weight is not the dieting, or the exercise. It's the shallowness of it all. There's a voice in my head shouting, "Do you want to be taken seriously? Do you WANT to be like these orange people, obsessed with everything they ever eat? This is vainty!" And for me, vainty feel more sinful than anything I could ever eat. Yes I wear make up. Yes I do care how I look. However, serious weight loss is seriously VAIN in my eyes, which makes it a real battle.

The same voice shouts, "You've always been overweight! It's not going to change! You'll never do it!" Now. I've been heavier than this. I shed quite a few pounds a couple of years ago and at the time I was having a bit of a general change in my outlook on lots of things. I felt really guilty about it too. I'm lucky with Dai because I know he will support me. It feels different this time. I think I've realised that although cardio-vacsularly (is that a word?) speaking, I am probably as fit or fitter than I've ever been, due to the running, I am STILL too heavy. I'm 23. I need to conquer the voice NOW, and then deal with keeping it at bay before I give in and get bigger, or lose my fitness.

I don't even want to be thin. I suspect I will never be thin. But I can be healthy. Being healthy is far from being vain, so my goal is to lower my BMI from nearly 31 to under 25. I'm not asking for 20, or even 22. Under 25 - a healthy weight, will do me fine.

By November I hope to have lost enough to feel happier in a bikini when Dai and I go to CenterParcs - a stone, plus some toning would do it. I have no idea how long it will take for me to lose 32 lbs, but I hope to have a better idea soon and set myself a time goal to work towards. In the meantime, I'm joining the gym and going at least twice a week, plus keeping up the running a few times a week, walking in my lunch breaks and fitting in some regular swimming (which I love) too.

As to the diet I'm cutting down on the portions. My actual foods aren't too bad, although I'm cutting out the crisps (which were beginning to feature a bit too much) and ice cream (same) and down on the alcohol (two glasses of wine this week, not too bad) and sugar (not too much of a problem).

It needs to be something I can live with, but I have found that my health is increasingly important to me: I want to be as healthy as I can be. I'll try to blog my progress. This is the first step in ensuring I actually do it this time: keep your fingers crossed for me!

dis obseshon is reachin bibikalist proptshuns, srsly!

K, K, I noes it. I is a bad.

But the LOLCat bible!!!!1

"An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it." LolCat Genesis 1:29.

This is my favourite Pslam (yes, favorit salm, I has one), 121, in LolCat:

1 A song to goez big up. I lookz upz at da big hillsez, I can has halps?
2 Yes I can haz halps, from Ceiling Cat, doer of Ceiling and Urf
3 He not let ur paw slipz, he not sleepz
4 Protektor of All Kittehs no sleepies no dreamies
5 Ceiling Cat ur protektor, He is ur shadows from da windowsill, He is ur right paw
6 In day, sun no make u go bai, moon not make u go bai either
7 Ceiling Cat make u safez from badness, He protektz ur invisible self
8 Celing Cat protektz ur in and ur out, forevaz!

As a procrastinatory device it cannot be beaten.

Have a read and enjoy.

kthnxbai!

Lolinate ur websiet

O hai!

Worrying though the obsession with Lolcats may be, if you click here you can see my professional site, in Lolcat format. You can do it too with any site, just visit the lolinator and type in the address. The kittehs will translate it for you. Just for giggles!

Things I don't like

Because I'm feeling grumpy, I'm going to write a list of the things I don't like (instead of shouting them at Tim). In no particular order:


• Dry ski slopes. Slippy AND spiky. Yuk.

• The smell of prawns being fried in butter. Gopping.

• Nature programmes (not all, just the really long, boring, life-cycle ones.*yawn*)

• Camomile tea. It’s just not nice. And doesn’t calm me down.

• Roobios/redbush tea. As above.

• Running machines.

• Chewing gum on pavements – I’ve never spat out gum in my life. Who does?

• Spam. Grrr.

• Period pains. I do not need practice for labour right now, leave me alone!

• Coriander leaf. It tastes like soap!

• Big leggy ’house’ spiders. Spiders should live outside!

• Tasteless crappy lager. Recently discovered Japanese lager is rather nice.

• Jools Holland. Smug git.

• Carbon offsetting. It doesn’t solve the problem. Fly less, yuppies.

• Things (like phones) which haven’t got Wifi, when they so easily could have!

• Pro-life people, particularly men (who will never get pregnant anyway), who preach to people, especially young people.

• Hangovers. Such a waste of time, it drives me mad!

• Jo Whiley. Well maybe not her personally, just the way she sucks up to musicians. Sorry, but not EVERYONE is ‘great live’. And not EVERY single is wicked.

Well, I feel better now. I apologise, because I know I've generalised a lot here. But it's a rant. Raaahhhh!

I can has iphone?

I do love icanhazcheezburger. This one, featured on geeksugar today, made me giggle. Really I want a HTC something (don't really care which, but I have sworn not to buy anything unless it has wifi capability) for my next phone, but if I was offered an iphone (can you believe they did this? I might cry a little...), or it was cheaper, I have to say I'd be there with bells on. My current 'gadgetenvy' is focused on an ipod touch (my obsession with touch screens is becoming a bit worrying) and one day, one happy day, I shall own one.

Solar powered what? Come again?

No, really! I could hardly believe my eyes. Yes, it's what all you girls seeking to reduce your carbon footprint have been looking for this Valentine's day - a solar powered vibrator!

Get your rocks off the environmentally friendly way!


Apart from all that, if bullets are your thing, then it's probably a very good product. Plus, it's multi-speed. You'll just have to hope it's sunny more often, which in Wales might be wishful thinking (most of the time). Then again, it will charge under a lightbulb, but that's not quite so green now, is it?

I'm giving it away for free!

Yes it's true, I will be working for nothing this Easter! I've secured work experience at the awesome, incredible, amazing, award winning magazine that is Stuff, and I will be hanging out with the boys there for two weeks. I also have another placement which is an exciting, if not a little daunting week planned on the magazine team at The Times. Plus, I've applied for some launch experience for a new magazine, so altogether I have pretty much obliterated any idea of an Easter break completely.

However, it has to be done, because I had no real direction until my last year of uni. That means I don't have any journalism experience apart from Waterfront, which isn't ideal (even though it gave me realtime editing experience, and I think taught me a lot) so I feel very much like I'm playing catch-up here.

In any case, I'm very excited about the whole thing, and feel that with some national, decent work experience under my belt, I'll feel much more confident when it comes to the next task, which is getting a job.

Incredible? Yes. Terrifying? Also yes.

Television is so depressing!

I can't watch Neighbours anymore. It's too full of angst. And Doctors (which was a house favourite while I was an undergrad) is waaaay too emotional and deep now, not vaugely crap, which was how I liked it. At the time, we devised a whole drinking game based around its predictability, but now, it's all just too much drama for me. I can't cope with it!
Torchwood is the only thing keeping me sane in the television stakes. That and Charlie Brooker, whose book I'm reading at the moment. I just hope his Screenwipe comes back on soon.

Blame tears

Since my parents split up, there's been plenty of blame assignment. I've blamed my mother for almost everything that's ever gone wrong: I've been angry at her for not being there, for never calling, for leaving...the list goes on, and on. She (and her partner) have in turn blamed my father for the fact the finances aren't settled yet, for the divorce going on so long, for my brother's apathy. And it's this which has caused the problem today. Zander is supposedly applying to go to university this September. However it looks like he hasn't got his application in yet, and it's past the important date for UCAS. She blames my dad for this, saying he doesn't support him enough.

The thing is, no-one has supported him enough. He hasn't got the support of a school, and I'm in another country. My mother calls him from time to time, but won't call the business line of the pub in case my father picks up the phone, even though she knows Zander is often in there, especially in the evenings, when she calls. And she won't visit. The result is she rarely sees or speaks to him. My father has a policy of not nagging him to do anything. Zander is 19, so doesn't need nagging, but he does need support: and he's been missing a real family for nearly four years now.

I don't know what's going to happen. He has been let down badly. My parents are irretrivably embroiled in a petty fight which continues to hurt their children, and I worry this may hold Zander back from a successful and fulfilling adult life. I wish they had been able to put aside their feelings to look after Zander properly: I wish they'd been happy together. I wish a lot of things. I wish most of all that the divorce of my parents hadn't had such a massive impact on my life, that it didn't hurt the way it still does. They say time's a great healer: but it's four years on now, and I'm still crying about it.

The customer is always right

Just a short update - I had a wonderful Christmas, and a drunken New Year, thankyou very much, and all went well and it was less stressful, but still very busy. For a Christmas present from his parents, Dai and I went away to a CenterParcs for a long weekend - my first time on one of those holidays, but I hope not the last. It was awesome.
While I was at home, I saw some of my regulars, which was lovely. This was the last Christmas and New Year we're expecting to hold in the club, and it will be strange this year. One of the locals nearly made me cry (not hard, I know, but still) telling me how he watched me grow up and my family fall apart: but despite all that, he said he thinks I'm a strong person and that although it's not over yet, everyone has complete faith in me. Bless. If only I did half the time! I have to get back to revision now: like somebody on my course said earlier this week, blogging is so much more fun when you've got work to do!

My perfect Christmas

I am not looking forward to Christmas. I kinda like it once it's there, but it's always far from ideal and I basically don't want to do this again this year. Yes, it sounds alright, but what I didn't post about was the stress, and dread and worry and the missing of Dai. Sad, but true, and like a spoilt child I want my own way at Christmas. Not that I'll get it, but never mind.

So here's my perfect Christmas. I've thought about it and I reckon it involves a small, warm dwelling in a remote area, preferably somewhere with a mountain nearby, a log fire and huge supply of logs, lots of food for me to cook, a television and some good films on DVD (in case there's nothing on). Plus some walking boots and warm coats to attempt the mountain with, or at least a walk. Oh - and Dai. And some wine, and various other drinks. And a working phone to chat to everyone on Christmas morning, before turning it off and going back to bed. A really lazy Christmas, filled with fluffy jumpers and even fluffier roast potatoes.

A GM activist was killed in Brazil

A activist working against GM crops in Brazil was shot dead during an action ten days ago. I think this is the first person to have died on a GM action.

For those of you who don't know, the GM campaign was where everything started for me. This is where I started journalism, and where I started politics. The GM campaign is something I feel strongly about, and is close to my heart.

So this news is pretty devastating to me. This particular story has been complicated because of the added issue of the landless workers in Brazil, who are also part of the anti-GM campaign there. The leader was the one who was killed, which makes it look like whoever did it knew who to go for. Hopefully there will be more news coverage and Syngenta will release their side of the story. Whatever your view on GM foods and activism in general, it's still a tragedy that this happened.

Halloween/Samhain resolutions

I know it's time for pumpkin carving and trick-or-treating, but here's something else I do this time each year - I make resolutions. Like New Year resolutions (and after all, for pagans this is the beginning of the year.)

Last year, I wanted to let go of the stuff I didn't need anymore. And remember to send cards to my relatives on their birthdays. I did pretty well on both, although my birthday thing fell apart when I had to change diary in September.

So it's back on the list. Along with, keep in touch with people better, get a better work ethic, get to the gym more often, stop being so embarrassing to my boyfriend when I'm drunk...you know, the usual. The difference this year is that I have noted them on my Facebook, using an application! So we can find out how rubbish (or good) I've been. Happy seasonal festival of your choice, people! I do so enjoy saying that...

Hooray for rugby!

It's been ages since I watched a lot of rugby. For years I wasn't allowed to watch it (don't ask). But having been spending a lot of time with Dai's family, who like most Welsh people, it seems, are pretty keen on the whole game, I've watched a good amount. It's been fun. Even if Wales were awful. We even went to watch Wales beat Japan at the Millennium Stadium, which was lucky, seeing as they only won 5 matches in the past 18 months.

Anyway, the World Cup being shown on ITV has been shocking. Adverts, poor camera work and dodgy commentary have driven me insane. And I know virtually nothing about it. There may be good news though - Digital Spy says that the BBC have the contract for the 6 Nations until 2013. It's got to be better than ITV.

How not to propose

This is NOT cool.

The Euricase Ring box

Seriously. The whole proposing thing? If you're going to do it, you really should BE there. Unless you want it sent back complete with a video and slide show of 'No!' repeated for the whole hour....

'How not to propose' could almost be a series...not that I'm very qualified to blog about it!

Good news

My loan has been approved, so it looks like I really am on the course. The loan will cover my course fees (and rent) so it seems like I won't need to drop out due to extreme poverty, plus my family won't have to go through hell to support me through the next nine months. Which is great!

Quotes...

From the 'MotorMouth' column in the sunday Times In Gear supplement:

"You can't be a superhero and have a proper job. That's why both Superman and Spiderman worked for newspapers."

That made me laugh.
Also, good old Fresher's week - Quench, Cardiff University's student magazine:

"Yes, you will regret sleeping with the engineer next door; he might seem fun now, but later you'll realise you were just desperate and deluded. Besides, he eats your Marmite when you're not there." They started this passage with the phrase "Young, dumb and full of cum." Front would never have allowed that to be printed. I'm not convinced that is a bad thing.

Anyway, I would point out here that there's nothing wrong with engineers, but as the girlfriend of a Computer Scientist with an engineer brother, I will refrain. The rivalry bewteen engineering (the dark side) and Computer Science is legendary, and a source of much amusement.

I'm in Cardiff!

So the day has finally arrived. This is my first blog post from Cardiff University. I'm in the Magazine suite, we've had an introductory talk and I am currently listening to some of the other students chat while we wait to enrol. It's unbelievably hot in all of the rooms here!

I haven't yet got my head around the fact that I am a post graduate student now - I remember being so awed by all the clever, resourceful postgrads who helped teach us at Swansea. I even had a favourite - James Beard. He's still there. He was so encouraging when I was a first year. Obviously, I'm not studying for a doctorate or anything, so it won't be quite the same. But it is very exciting. Everyone's going for drinks now...think I may soon be the only one left down here, typing into the computer (no change there then).

Anyway, we have a wealth of very 'sexy' (the deputy department director's words, not mine) equipment at our fingertips, and access to InDesign, and both PCs and AppleMacs in the lab, which is great, because I've not had chance to get to grips with Apples yet.
So I'm excited, and terrified, and feel out of my depth financially, but as I said to Timmy this morning, I worked my arse off to get on to this bloody course, and I'm not going to give it up easily.

They won't give up on me

Well it's getting close to me starting the course. Still having problems with funding, but my dad and Dai won't let me give up yet. They both say we'll work something out.

It's good people have faith in me. :-) Even when I don't.

And we're off!

Finally, the day has arrived. This evening Dai and I are off to London, and tomorrow we catch the Eurostar which will take us to Paris. I've been brushing up my French, and have a workbook to do on the train. I've also been researching vegan places to eat. The BBC book we bought effectively warns vegans off trying to eat in France, and yes, I'm expecting some difficulties. But I have done my homework, and I shall attempt to prove them all wrong by having a lovely holiday which hopefully doesn't involve too much stressing about food! My strategy has been to do research: the Happy Cow site is invaluable as ever (it helped a lot when I first went vegan and we went on holiday to Edinburgh and London, we had a lot of fun discovering new places).

I also plan to maintain my normal view that if it goes wrong, so long as it's not too wrong, then I won't freak out or beat myself up: at the end of the day, I do what I can to the best of my ability. I don't mind making a fuss, and making an effort to help everyone understand, but I don't want it to ruin a good evening out or someone's day. Or in this case, a holiday. I'm not a vegan to make my life difficult, it's to make the planet's life easier. That's part of the reason we're not flying (although I've never promised never to, as I still want to travel. I haven't flown for many years now though). So I will do my best, and will report back on the whole thing when I return! After a few panics this morning, now the packing is done, I'm looking forward to the trip immensely. I haven't been abroad for so long, or on a holiday for ages! Yay!