At home...missing Dai

Well, I've been home nearly a week now, and I'm feeling more in control. Of everything. Not to mention excited about going to Paris! I watched a bit of Moulin Rouge yesterday, as Dai had gone home after visiting for the weekend, and it did cheer me up a little.

I miss him so much when I'm not with him, but it's not the obsessive, suffocating feeling you'd expect. I don't need to do everything with him, I just like having him there. Uni worked quite well for us: we could let each other get on with important work, so long as we were in the same place. Apart, we used to procrastinate terribly online, with messenger and Facebook, so we actually got more done when we were together.

Now we're not at university, him going to work isn't a problem: I just love him kissing me goodbye in the morning, and being there when he gets home. Yes, I know, I'm awful, and it's bringing out the 1950's housewife in me, isn't it? I have to be careful, she's quite strong, and it's hard to resist the urge to make cakes and clean and wear skirts and a pinny all the time...

Anyway, I had a nice weekend, although we didn't do much...like I said, I just love having him around, and we don't have to do anything in particular. I worked here, and he messed around with a new phone he's been given, and we went out for dinner to the new Japanese place, which was absolutely gorgeous. We sat on the floor at small tables and drank warm sake, and Dai got to indulge his love of sushi, and I mine, of tofu.

But he returned to Wales yesterday in order to work this week, and I miss him already. In the past I've always treasured my independence, and prided myself on not missing my partner too much. I've never liked to spend too much time with one person, preferring my own company, and knowing I would find it impossible to live with anyone at close quarters.

But this time it's different. Somehow the things I prided myself on not so long ago have evaporated, and my defences broken through. Frightening for the old me, but now, for some reason, it's ok - I know I miss Dai because I love him, and the way I feel when we're apart I cherish, painful though it is, because I know it confirms that I want to be with him, and that he means the world to me.